well its been months since iv updated and never really thought about it til someone mentioned it today. so here is a brief history of wat happened/

graduated valedictorian (i was so scared for the speech lol)
got accepted to naropa U in boulder, colorado, where i currently am this week is orientation and its been really overwhelming

also, i had lots of pics and paintings from my senior year in art that arent up here and since i moved, there is unfortunately no way to get them soon.

so ya theres a bit of an update, not much, but if anyone was wondering....

Ok well I have been back from spain for a bit but have been really busy but im finally getting an update here. And What an update it is!

1. Ok Spain! it was amazing, flying was actually fun (other than the 9 hours), it was exhausting (just now getting caught up on sleep). My favorite parts were the Prado and museum of modern art in madrid and the Picasso museum in Barcelona. TOo much to say here, not enough time. But it was really fun

2. COLLEGES!!!! FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE!!! Biggest news? I am accepted in the College for Creative Studies in Detroit and not only that, but if i do, I will be getting TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR for my high school grades! all I would have to do is keep a 2.5 GPA which would not be hard at all. SO i am seriously considering this as a MAJOR option now. Naropa University in boulder, Colorado has already reviewed my app. and the only thing left is a 45 min. to 1 hour phone interview with none other than the freakin' DEAN of admissions (Nervous much? yes...) which is near the end of April.

3. my love life. Arika...I have never felt this way before in my life. Over my 2 weeks away from her only made my love stronger...it's so weird and strange, it seriously feels like we have been together for years and it hasnt even been a month lol. I know people say we should slow down, not to get too involved so I dont get hurt or something, or watever, but when we both feel like this...like...theres really no words to describe it...how can one slow down? how can one slow down loving? I;m being much more careful this time, but I can't help it...And I think actually being with her makes it so much better. I trust her (she is so frank and honest which is great) and I can tell she really loves me as much as I love her...today we were at my house and we listened to our song (18th floor balcony by blue october, its so beautiful) she was crying and I asked why, and she says it was because she loved me so much.....I can't even describe how I felt. Time feels like it stops with just being with her...and Im not planning my future around her either. She even told me to go where I want, and if we are still together, She will come to me, and i don't doubt it one bit. I think i could even make it work, and no I didnt want to get involved before I moved because that would mean another long distance relationship, but i think that I could really do this...she hasnt violated my trust completely like that other bitch and as long as she doesnt, i really do think this will work. I am so in love with her...I just can't believe I would ever feel this way in my life.

graduation is coming up (still havent come up with my valedictorial speech...ugh!) and I am really happy...I have a buyer for my surreal self portrait after the senior art show, and I might possibly have a teacher comissioning me for a mural on her wall. gah and i got so inspired in spain...also have a new 2 by 4 foot painting done that I hope to have up soon.

So in conclusion, everything is looking up for me and I have never been so happy. Once again, thanks for all for the support through my time on here, it really has helped and meant a lot. So thank you everyone! and i will update as soon as I can!

Also, the movie hasnt been uploaded anywhere, but when I get time (and remember) i will so just be patient!

wel many updates for all of you.

first off, my film, it has been done for a while and i love how it came out, may be uploading it somewhere when i have some time and if i do, ill get a link up here. and it didnt upset me that much, and i actually enjoy watching all of it burn. and that pigs heart was so nasty....ugh...

second, i met someone. and idk what it is about her, but iv never felt...this way about ANYONE before in my life and when we are together, it literally feels like time stops and i forget all my troubles and i dont even remember what else i did that day...and her name is Arika. we are so close already and it scares me, but iv never felt so...idk....weird....but so happy. she's amazing too and she's so brutaly honest i have a hard time doubting what she says lol. and its scary how much we have in common too...like....VERY creepy. but i cant help feeling this way...i love her so much and it's so amazing.

thirdly, im leaving for spain this tuesday. its with a school group, and now i dont wanna go cuz i wanna stay with Arika lol but i cant wait its gonna be great! i ill be gone til april first, but we get back the last day of march. its my first time out of the country and first time on a plane. i cant wait but im really nervous too lol.

and also, those colleges? havent heard anything back at all. this is getting ridiculous



but i have been feeling so much better!!!

I'm better! i doubt many were all that worried lol but im a lot better. i dont feel the same at all and i actually am looking forward to things. im on a med. that might be helping and i think it is. so yay i guess haha.

now artistic updates....

i finally started making my short film about "her".....so soon all of her things will be turned to ash for the sake of my safety, art, and much more. i'v started a few scenes...its going to be a surreal black and white, and hopefully powerful. still need to get a pigs heart though...haha. im going to enter it in a local contest too so i have to have it done my march 1. and also if i am satisfied enough im going to TRY to get it up on devart. but it might not make the cut and i might end up hating it...oh well.

im still not really over her but im getting closer...today it almost seems like there really never was a "she" and it was all in my head...i wondered that sometimes when i was with her too...and who knows what will happen when all her stuff is gone. it should be a lot easier...but it will be hard because i have it on a shelf waiting and i am scared to even look at it. but its for art...that makes it easier. also i have finally applied to a college and will be applying to another one within another week (hopefully...ugh i procrastinated way too long...)


but thanks everyone for your support even though i didnt think it did anything, all your support and help did make a difference. and sorry to ppl i upset a lot i really feel bad about that...but you guys are the ones that i have to thank the most. so thank you all

p.s. part of the reason im happier is World of Warcraft...haha its so pathetic but i cant help but stay here just to play it! its so fun

WELL its been a while indeed. I'm getting a lot better hehe. I had a date on the 21st and i'm dating again so yay! and she's so amazing and great hehe. its a bit ironic though...i have a date with her and we started going out on the same day that would have been mine and catherine's anniversery but oh well. i just uploaded a new poem too about the break up...took a while to write i guess its been mulling around in my brain for a while.

but in short, iv been doing tons better and gah i need to start getting my portfolio and apply to some art schools.